weariness

yesterday, i wrote about how like elijah I have been – dwelling on the past and worrying about the future – instead of living in the present.  when i re-read that story, i realized that elijah and i have something else in common – weariness.  after jezebel sends her servant to threaten elijah, he runs and hides in the desert, fearing for his life, and there he tells god that he has had enough.  oh my goodness!  i can’t count the number of times i have told god that i have had enough, that i am too tired to go on, that i just want a break, that i am weary.   in his weariness, elijah only saw his fears and he wanted to walk away from everything and just give up.  instead of granting elijah his desire that god take his life, however, god twice sends an angel to elijah with bread and water.  on the second visit, the angel says to elijah, “get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.”   instead of letting elijah die in the desert, god recognized elijah’s weariness and provided him the sustenance he needed to continue on his journey.  god never gave up on elijah, even when elijah had seemingly given up on god.   

not too long ago, the powers that be changed the radio station I used to listen to into a sports talk station.  so, I changed the buttons on the radio to npr and the all news station for my commutes.  this morning, however, in an effort to continue my quest for mindfulness, I put in a cd – city on a hill.  as I listened to one of the songs, I was struck by how appropriate it was for how I have been feeling.

and i can hear your voice inviting:
i'm here,
i'll never leave your side
my stubborn weary child
i am still here
please let me lead you on
your race is already won
i am your god.  

(sixpence none the richer - i'm here)

i am definitely feeling stubborn and weary.  but even when, in my stubborn weariness, i have seemingly given up on god, he is right there by my side, just like he was for elijah, waiting for me to lean on him and let him sustain me.  more than that, however, he is there reminding me that my race is won and that all i have to do is let him lead me to the finish line.  god knows that i will get weary.  he knows that the journey will sometimes, oftentimes, all the time, be too much for me.  but it doesn't matter how slow i go or how many breaks i may take or how many times i may stop and have to restart.  the end result will always be the same.  he has already run the race for me and clocked his time as mine.  christ's winning time is also mine.  all i have to do is eventually cross the finish line.